my first mother's day + reflecting on motherhood

H A P P Y M O T H E R ’ S D A Y

I can’t believe I’ve been a Mom for over six months. This time last year I had just passed a big milestone and we were able to start telling friends and family our big news. On Thursday Otis turned six months (!!!)

“motherhood doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful”

In some ways, it feels like just yesterday we welcomed Otis into the world, but to be honest I just can’t remember a life without him in it :) - In case you missed it, I shared Otie’s birth story a while back, and I think I will do a podcast episode about it soon too.

I remember being so anxious during my pregnancy. I just wanted everything to be okay, and for our babe to arrive safely into the world. There are so many emotions and thoughts running through your mind while trying to get pregnant, in the first few weeks/months and then especially towards the end when you’re thinking about the delivery and feeling nervous/anxious about that (not to mention when you actually have the baby and bring them home and become a parent!)

Our delivery did not go how we expected, but that was what we were prepared for. We had an idea of what we hoped would happen or how we thought it would go. We never had a super intense birth plan because we are realistic humans who know that things don’t always go how we plan them to, especially something like giving birth. We were flexible and knew we’d do whatever we had to in order to hold our sweet baby boy in our arms. The thought of it makes me cry, every time.

I have to say, I found the transition into motherhood to be much smoother than expected. I knew we were ready, of course. Pete and I had been together for over a decade, we both have good jobs we love, a home to call our own and this was the next step in our lives that we were just ready for. I knew I wanted to be a Mom and knew Pete wanted to be a Dad (and would be an incredible one) He’s been beyond amazing and I can’t even express how thankful I am for him. Otis is so lucky.

I’ve talked about this a lot, but sadly I felt that people really prepared me for the worst when it came to motherhood. Of course our family and friends were so thrilled for us and provided so much support and were just so happy for us. But, in general there are just a lot of toxic people out there (and not just in regards to motherhood, but so many things we experience in life) People just love to tell you what you won’t ever get to do again, and all the things that will happen to you while being pregnant, postpartum etc. You’ll never shower again, or wear makeup, or spend time with your partner, eat a hot meal etc. Let me tell you, I did all those things are more (but there were times I didn’t get to do these things too of course)

I just focused on the many people who talked about the absolute joys of having a baby. Of course we knew this was going to be a huge change in our lives, and hey NOBODY says it’s easy (like literally, no one…) and we cherished our time being pregnant, preparing for the babe, celebrating him, and my favourite - nesting (literally my new favourite hobby)

To be honest, I was really nervous about postpartum life. I was worried I’d feel depressed, sad or stressed. Don’t get me wrong, there were tear filled days, moments of uncertainty, exhaustion and fear. It is in no way easy, but it is in every way wonderful. The amazing moments by far outweighed the negative ones (and still do! even more so!) and for every stressful moment, something magical would happen and all the tough times were forgotten (for at least a little while, lol)

I remember the early days of motherhood so clearly, although there were definitely a lot of fuzzy moments when you’re trying to figure out when and how you can squeeze a little sleep in. The first few weeks of Otie’s life could only be described as cozy. It was early November, but we had a big snowfall and it got really chilly for that time of year. We’d wear our pj’s, and wrap ourselves in blankets on the couch while Otis slept on our chests. We were greeted by family and friends stopping by for visits and bringing baked goods, snacks and meals (literally the best thing you could ever give to new parents!) We drank coffee (and heated it up 3-5 times a day) We rocked, bounced, swaddled and danced with our boy. We (okay, I) watched cheesy Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel (literally every single day) and we just took it day by day.

That’s one of the biggest lessons and realizations I have when it comes to parenthood. Every day is different. Some days are really really good, some days are stressful, and some days fly right by. Some days feeding goes really well, some days there aren’t many tears. Some days it feels like all you do is sleep, and some days it feels like you didn’t sleep a wink. Just when you think you know exactly what to expect, things change again and you’ve got to adapt. I think that’s one of the coolest parts about parenting! Babies grow and learn and develop every single day, and you get to watch (and literally stare in awe) all day long.

I remember saying so often that if our baby arrived safely and was healthy, I would count my blessings every day. That the stressful, tiring, exhausting, frustrating times would pass. This really helped keep myself in check and stay optimistic. I truly feel that there was never a day where the negatives out weighed the positives. I have felt so much love and gratitude every single day since being a Mom. That doesn’t mean this feeling will last forever and this will always be the case. There are good and bad days, but there is truly something good in each day. Every woman deals with motherhood differently, so try to just do you as best you can.

I am in no way a pro at this. In many ways, motherhood still feels very new to me, but I love learning and growing each day with my baby (and husband!) Every big milestone, bump in the road, and little moment has been special and part of our story. I know one thing for sure, and that’s that I’ve never felt so much love in my entire life. I’ve always lived a life of love and positivity and surrounded myself with the most incredible people. I cannot express how grateful I am that we get to make Otis part of our lives now.

A big part of my motherhood journey has been spent during the pandemic. I have so many feelings on this as so many others do. I feel so hard for all the mamas-to-be out there who are navigating all of the feels that come with pregnancy to begin with and the current state of the world. My heart goes out to you all, and I know once your baby arrives and you’re safe at home with them in your arms all will be right in the world.

So much of my advice to new mothers was around getting out and keeping busy. This worked so well for me personally and really helped play a huge part of keeping my mental health in check. Basically from the time Otis was one week old, to four months, I went out every day with him. The odd day if it was really cold we’d just stay home and snuggle, but the majority of the time we got out. Sometimes just to grab a coffee, sometimes for a walk around our hood, some days we went to the mall or shopping, met up with friends, went for lunch, had visitors etc. This helped give me a sense of normal. I loved getting dressed for the day, doing my hair and makeup and feeling like myself. I loved showing the people we love our newest addition, and sharing our new love with so many others we love.

Life during the pandemic with a baby has it’s ups and downs (like anytime with a baby really) I’ll admit at the beginning it was really tough. Being a new parent already has you worrying about your baby often, and this took things to the next level. I was having a really hard time sleeping and was just feeling riddled with anxiety. Going out to the grocery store or to get things for Otis was becoming an insanely stressful task. When we are home though, things are really great. We’re used to the new “normal” for now and have been savouring our moments with our boy.

I really miss taking Otie out and about. We really really miss our family and friends. Babies grow so fast and now that our parents and families haven’t seen him in two months, it’s really tough. Everywhere around the world people are feeling this and missing their loved ones. Having Pete home has been the huge silver lining in all of this. It's so special that he’s home to spend lots of time with Otis, and he is soooo happy to have his Dada here all of the time, that’s for sure. At the end of the day we are just so thankful to be safe and healthy at home.

Every day is different. Otie is starting to really take interest in what is around him. He loves music, and his toys, dancing with us and giggling and smiling. He’s starting to try some food (banana, avocado, sweet potato and pear!) He loves his new seat in the stroller and we try to take him out for a walk every few days or when it’s a nice day. He has been loving his play mat, chair and jolly jumper and is doing new things every day.

I cannot express how grateful we are to be his parents. I honestly feel like the luckiest gal in the world. I am just so in love. Pete and I spend many of our days just staring at our little babe and talking about how perfect he is. We give him all the kisses and snuggles and dance with him. We hold his hand and rock him when he cries and look at photos and videos of him while he’s sleeping.

This is going to be a wild journey and I am so excited to watch Otis grow and see the world (and I really hope it’s in better shape than it currently is) but am just so thankful for these cozy moments at home with him and Pete.

I am thankful for my Mom, Pete’s Mom, my Grandma and all the incredible mothers in my life that inspire me and lift me up everyday. It takes a village, and these amazing women in my life have helped me so much in my motherhood journey so far.

I am thinking of those who have lost their Moms today. Those who want to be Moms, who have lost their babies, who don’t have mothers in their lives. To the mother figures, the step-moms, the mother-in-laws and every mama in between.

I am so grateful. I look forward to sharing more on motherhood as we both grow. I will continue to take things day by day. Not to compare our journey/baby to anyone else’s, not to google literally everything that happens or stress about the small stuff. We are choosing to see the good and are just feeling so lucky. Otis is a dream come true and our love for him is bigger than this world.

Thinking of all you mama’s today. You’re doing amazing.